A very loving little guy who loved to play fetch with his toys, dance his "ferret war dance" of chortle, jump sideways, chortle and run, beg for raisins, and snuggle up for a good nap in our arms.

As I sit here working on my web site this evening I am also trying to work through the grieving process from the loss of my beloved ferret, Meiko. We brought Meiko into our family after his previous family no longer wanted the responsibility of a ferret. He was a six month old cinnamon colored kit when we brought him into our family. I'm sharing this with you, so that you may be empowered with this information if and when the time comes for you to make that very hard decision about euthanasia.

Having thought that I had done a thorough enough job of interviewing a new veterinarian to handle our ferret's medical needs, I was unaware until it was too late about their clinic's policies. For Meiko, I had thought that finding a reputable "specialist" would be the best thing that I could do for him. I had, in the beginning, felt that this clinic and the veterinarians who worked there were more than qualified to handle his medical needs. I had gotten references for this clinic and they were highly recommended.

We had thorough blood tests and radiographs done to try to find out why his health was failing. It had gotten to the point of finding out that there was so much going on with him, the best decision I could make was to let him go. Even if we prolonged his life, he would only have lived a short while and I didn't want to subject him to more tests.

When the time came, things had happened so fast. Meiko's health went down hill very quickly. Talking with the veterinarian, I decided to have him euthanized to end his suffering. I have always taken a very strong view, that part of an animal owner's responsibility is to be there in the end, to hold and comfort your animal, to let them know that they will be ok. I have always been there when I can for my animals to see them through this last phase of their lives. I had found out too late that it was this particular clinic's policy to not allow the animal's owner to remain to be there for the euthanasia process.

I can understand that there are people who can't handle being there and do want to leave their animals in the capable hands of their veterinarian. I am not one of those people, I have to be there to help comfort my aniamls as well as to help myself to say good-bye. It's never easy to be there with your animal when the time comes, and never gets any easier, no matter how many times it happens. It's my responsibility and my own promise to my animals that I will be there for them from the time that they come into our family to the time when they have to leave to go on to their next journey.

I had explained to the veterinarian and his staff that I knew what was going to happen. I had explained to them how strongly I felt about having to be there and that this was nothing new for me. Even though I was clearly upset at the time, I had assured them that I could handle it. I needed to be able to hold him to help him on his journey. They refused to let me be there. Thinking back, I could have taken him then to our regular veterinarian, but he was suffering, and it was getting late, and the drive to our regular veterinarian was going to be a long one. I had been running on very little sleep, being up with Meiko to make sure he was doing ok. I just couldn't let him suffer any longer or myself taking a chance on being too tired to drive that far. I did the only thing I could at the time, and that was to leave him there to be euthanized without me holding him. I must have sat in the parking lot for a while, I know it was a while before I could even drive. I knew it wasn't what I wanted, but couldn't see putting him through any more to try to get to our regular veterinarian.

Red flags were going off for me during this time. I just knew it was wrong. I knew I needed to be with him. The only reason I can think of that they didn't want me to be there is that for some euthanasias, it's not easy, the animal may struggle. They had told me that their reasoning for not letting the owner be there with their animal was because they wanted the owner's last memory to be a good one, not one of the animal collapsing or fighting the process. In some cases they may have to inject the sedative or solution used directly into the animal's heart because the veins are too small or can't be found. I have been through this and even though it's really hard to see, it's a necessary thing to do in some cases.

I've always felt that euthanasia is a beautiful, peaceful process. It's part of life and the responsibility of helping your beloved animal pass on with dignity and without suffering. When done properly, the animal relaxes and falls asleep. It's very peaceful. Sometimes two different injections are used. The first one to relax and sedate the animal and the second is an overdose of sedative to end their suffering. It usually happens quietly and the animal doesn't feel any pain. This experience, for me, is a relief to know that my animals aren't suffering any longer, that they are at peace. It's all part of my own personal healing process.

Having seen and been through both experiences of having one of my animals fight the process and the rest just drifting off to sleep, knowing that I was there for them, I felt that I could handle being there for Meiko's passing. I had explained this to the veterinarian. They still would not let me be there for Meiko.

Before I had Meiko euthanized I had set up with this clinic to have them take care of the cremation for me. My life plan is to have my beloved animals cremated and when I pass on to have my own remains cremated. Then to have our ashes mixed and scattered on the beach. I have put a lot of thought into this and take great care to see that my animals are taken care of properly at the end of their lives.

If this veterinarian had wanted my last memories of Meiko to be happy ones, they were wrong. My last memories of him are, at that time, very sad and angry ones. I hated the fact that I couldn't be with him in the end. Having done all that I could do for him as well as spending quite a lot of money on tests hoping for a positive outcome. I feel that it was wrong of them to say I couldn't be there. It all happened so fast, but I'm not regretting my decision to have him euthanized because I know he was suffering and it was the right thing to do.

I decided to go back to the clinic and pick up his body and handle his cremation on my own. I have never been told I couldn't be with any of my animals for euthanization. I have always been there for them. It was such a relief to go back and pick up his body from the vet. I was able to again say good bye and it felt right for him to be with us again, even though his body was just a shell and his spirit was free. I did bring him home and took him the next morning to a wonderful place where they handled his cremation with care and dignity. Meiko is now home again and his remains rest in a cedar box in the headboard of my bed waiting for the day when our ashes can be mixed together in the wind on the beach. I know he is no longer a sick little ferret, that his pain is gone.

I guess the reason I am sharing this with you is to help you to ask the right questions of your vet before the time comes when you have to make the decision. When the time comes, it usually comes unexpectdly and quickly. By making your choices now, you can prepare for what to do when you have to face this very heart wrenching decision. It's not wrong to not be there, it's a matter of choice for you as an individual when you animal's time comes. For me, it's what I feel I have to do for my animals as well as for myself. Ask questions of your veterinarian on what their policies are. Have their policies in writing to be sure that everyone understands what's going to happen. If something feels wrong, then follow that feeling. Then again, even after you do all of the research, things still may not work out the way you plan. With the right information, may you never have to go through the experiences I have been through this past week. Veterinarians are not miracle workers and most do the very best that they can. In some cases, some of their policies are just not the right thing to do. If something doesn't feel right to you, go with that feeling. Question it and if you can, find someone else who you will feel comfortable with. For me, finding a veterinarian is one of the hardest choices to make because our animals can not tell us what's going on with them and we have to put our trust in someone to look out for their health and medical needs.

The happy memories are starting to return. It's going to take time. My animals are all a part of our family, they are my babies and have always come first. People ask my why put so much into "just an animal?" These are the people who just don't understand, who are the ones who miss out on so much when they don't completely share their lives with their animals. Animals are living, breathing, feeling creatures who are just as important as any human or any life is. Animals who share our lives deserve the proper care, respect, and dignity in life as well as in their passing. I wouldn't do any less for my own animals as I would do for my own self.

Give your animals a big hug tonight and tell them just how much you love them.